Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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