she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
