Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
