Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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