So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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