my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
