I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
