I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
