He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
