My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
