You're completely useless in the revolution.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
