cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
