i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
