I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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