Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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