chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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