I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
