I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
