Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize