So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
