I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
