In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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