I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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