Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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