do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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