i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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