You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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