So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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