Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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