oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
