I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
