Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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