Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
