I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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