That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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