Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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