you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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