Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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