I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His hands were made for my vagina.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
