Me. At least after what I've been through.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
