I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
