No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
