I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
