Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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