First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
