Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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