I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize