wanna go halves on a baby?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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