i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
