I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
