I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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