i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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