Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
