If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize