dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
