I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
