i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
