i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
