Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
