TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
