Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
