I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
