My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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