I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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