Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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