If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
