ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
