You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
