i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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