i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
