Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
