im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
