i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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