i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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