She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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