woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
