i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Enjoy the penises
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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