It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
