I don't usually arrange sex via text message
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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