you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
