I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
