Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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