Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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