how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
