I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
