i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
