imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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