I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
