i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
