i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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