It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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