was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
