Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
