I like my sex mixed with concussions.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize