I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
