Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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